Categories: Dating Tips

What to Do When Your Spouse Gains Weight: 20 Tips and Resources

If your spouse has recently let themselves go a bit, how do go about telling them that they need to get in shape? After all, you’ve vowed to stick by them for better or worse, and weight gain is hardly the worst thing that can happen. But weight gain can lead to many health conditions, and if you’re truly worried about the health of your spouse you can’t help but to want them to shed a few pounds. Here are some tips and suggestions on motivating your spouse to get back in sexy, svelte and healthy shape.


Weight is never an easy topic to broach. Check out these tips to help get the ball rolling with your spouse.

  1. Decide whether or not it matters to you. For some people, the weight their spouse gains may just not be an issue. Decide whether or not you really feel your spouse’s weight is something that’s affecting their health or your life together. If not, you may want to just let it go, and embrace them as they are.
  2. Be gentle. Let’s face it, there’s no nice way to tell someone you think they’re looking a little rounder than before, but do your best to bring up the issue in a caring, non confrontational way. Realize that they are probably already well-aware they’ve put on weight and probably don’t really need you to point it out.
  3. Understand they may be angry, hurt or upset. No matter what route you take if you decide to confront your spouse about his or her weight they’re probably not going to feel good about it; it is a sensitive issue for most. Be understanding that even if you’re talking with them with the best intentions that they may not react the way you’d like.
  4. Don’t nag. If your spouse is making an effort to lose weight, don’t constantly nag or ride them about their food choices. Making them feel guilty will more than likely not encourage them to eat less, but instead to run to those comfort foods.
  5. Provide support. For many people, losing weight can be an uphill battle, especially if it’s been years since they’ve hit the gym. Make sure you’re giving your spouse the love and support they need to successfully feel healthy can make a big difference.
  6. Search for the root of the issue. Physical problems are easy to see in a person, but the cause of these problems may be something less obvious. Often there are underlying emotional issues that are contributing to weight gain and helping your spouse uncover and work through these can really be the first step in getting healthy.
  7. Empathize. Losing weight is tough and your spouse will benefit from some empathy from you. Your spouse will feel more supported and it can help bring you together as a couple.
  8. Work together. The best and most effective way to motivate your spouse to get in shape is to do it together. Then one person isn’t be singled out, you can support each other in fitness and diet plans, and work together as the team you should be towards a common goal.
  9. Let them decide. If you spouse does want to shed some weight, let them be the boss of how they’ll go about it. You may have good intentions, but trying to control things won’t help and may even turn them off about the whole idea.
  10. Make it fun. Doing active things doesn’t have to mean spending hours on a treadmill. Play tennis together, take walks, go hiking and do active things that are not only beneficial but fun as well. It will make it much easier for your spouse to stick to getting healthy and you’ll get to spend valuable time together.
  11. Don’t provide unnecessary temptations. Because you are sharing a household, you can make it almost impossible for your spouse to lose weight if you constantly have junk food around the house. They may be able to resist the temptation some of the time, but no one is strong enough to resist is all of the time, so keep the unhealthy stuff out of your house if you really want to help your spouse.
  12. Make it about health. While part of your motivation for getting your spouse to slim down may be about more superficial issues, the heart of the issue should be about getting them healthy. With numerous health consequences of being overweight, you don’t need any other motivation to work out and eat right.
  13. Be positive. Even if your spouse doesn’t look quite as super-sexy as he or she did when you got married, it doesn’t mean there aren’t other things you love just as much about them, maybe even more now. Try to focus on those things so your spouse still feels valued, special and loved and it’s not all about the things you see wrong with them.
  14. Make sure they know you love them. At the heart of your efforts to get your spouse healthy should be constant reminders of how much you love them, big or small.
  15. Revamp favorite foods. Just because you’re watching what you eat doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy old favorites. Think of new, healthier ways to prepare your spouse’s favorite foods.
  16. Don’t exclude your spouse. One surefire way to sabotage your spouse’s weight loss is to make them feel excluded from special occasions that involve food by not giving them a slice of cake or making them feel left out of the celebration. Leave the decision up to them whether or not they indulge.
  17. Encourage them to visit the doctor. Weight gain isn’t always about simply eating too much. There are a variety of medical conditions, some more serious than others, that can cause weight gain as well, in ways that your spouse simply cannot control. Getting a full checkup can be a good idea in general, as it will let your spouse know just how much their weight may be affecting their health.
  18. Eat at home. While there may be many healthy options when eating out, you and your spouse will be tempted to eat less and better if you eat out as little as possible. That way you’ll know exactly what goes into every meal you eat.
  19. Be a role model. You won’t get far with convincing your spouse that he or she needs to lose weight if you are not looking so fit yourself. Taking action and eating right, working out and living healthy can go a long way towards encouraging your spouse to do the same.
  20. Give them motivation. Both you and your spouse can set fitness goals as motivation to help make all the hard work really feel like it’s paying off. Plan getaways together, fun nights out or anything that both of you really enjoy that can act as a motivating factor to get in shape.
  21. Eat together. Making mealtimes a part of the day when you come together as a couple can be helpful for a variety of reasons. You’ll get to talk and slow down while you’re eating as well as getting the chance to cook and prepare meals together that are healthier and better for you both.

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Ruby Gardner - Women's Dating Expert - is a renowned relationship specialist and expert in women’s dating. With a strong educational background in psychology and human relationships, Ruby completed her studies at the prestigious University of California, Berkeley. Her passion for understanding the complexities of human connections led her to specialize in relationship counseling, with a focus on women’s dating experiences.

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