Categories: Dating Tips

How to: Get What You Want in Bed (50 Tips ‘n Tricks)

Wanting more from your sex life? Wanting to have a sex life? Maybe you like the sex you are having, but want it to be better. Whether you have been out twice or you’ve been married for 15 years, there’s bound to be something from the following suggestions to help you get what you want in bed. Have fun experimenting with these ideas.


Getting into bed is the first step. Whether it’s the first time for you as a couple or the hundredth, a little romance can get things moving in that direction pretty quickly. Taking the time to set the scene is definitely worth the effort.

  1. Flowers. Never underestimate the power of flowers. This isn’t just for the girls, either. Many guys like flowers too. Girls, try showing up with a single daisy for your guy and see how he reacts.
  2. Picnic. Plan ahead by stashing a simple meal, a couple of glasses, some wine, and a blanket in a secluded spot. Take your date to your destination for a surprise (and very romantic) date that is sure to set the stage.
  3. Lingerie. Women, buy it and wear it as a great surprise. Men, buy it and give it. Ask for help on sizing if you aren’t sure (and if in doubt, buy it too small rather than too large).
  4. Candles. Strategically placed candles can set the mood for a romantic encounter of any kind. Whether you are having a romantic dinner, watching a movie, or moving on to the bedroom, candles add warmth to a room and make the statement that you put forth an extra effort to create a special place for your partner.
  5. Music. Nothing can change the mood of a room faster than music. Make your selection thoughtfully, though. If he hates classical music or she doesn’t really care for 70′s soft rock, then keep that in mind when selecting the perfect background music.
  6. Feel special. Making your partner feel special is a very romantic gesture. Paying attention when she is speaking or telling him how much you like what he is wearing are both easy ways to show your someone that they are special to you.
  7. Scent. Certain smells can set the mood. Jasmine, lavender, and rose are just a few great aromas for romance. Learn what scents you can use to get things off to a good start with your partner.
  8. Flirt. Whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for years, a little flirting goes a long way. Smiling, winking, and gentle joking are all great ways of simple flirting without going overboard.
  9. Love notes. Leave little love notes for your partner. Something as simple as “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight” on a slip of paper tucked under the car windshield wiper or something more complex as a list of fifty things you love about your partner will show how much you care and can be read and remembered more than once.
  10. Touch. This idea is a super simple way to spice up your romance. A light touch on your partner’s arm while you are talking, holding hands while walking, and a spontaneous hug are all great ways to show your affection.


Jumping right into sex may have its time and place, but usually, you want to slow things down a little and ease into the act. Foreplay gets you both in the mood and enhances the sex that’s soon to follow.

  1. Kissing. Kissing on the lips is a very sensual experience. When it’s time for sex, don’t forget about the kissing to keep things impassioned.
  2. Kissing all over. Moving on from the lips, having your partner kiss all over your body will help steam things up. Ask him or her to try kissing in new places. Also, if your partner is reluctant to perform oral sex, this might help get things rolling in that direction.
  3. Feet. A sensual foot massage can do the trick for many people. Use lotion or oil with peppermint in it for a stimulating foot rub.
  4. Hands. Not just holding hands, but playing with your partner’s hands can be very sexy. Try this hand massage for a great way to relax and arouse your partner.
  5. Ears. Many people love having a lick or tickle in their ears or a gentle nibble on the ear lobe. Try your partner’s ear a try to see how he or she reacts.
  6. Snuggle. Enjoy curling up together and enjoying each other’s touch. It can start long before you make your way to the bed, so start snuggling your love when dinner is over, in the car ride home, or while you are watching a movie.
  7. Scalp. Brushing hair, rubbing the scalp, or just running your finger along the hairline are all very sensual ways to stimulate your partner. The multiple nerve endings in the scalp should not be overlooked as an erotic zone. How about washing your girl’s hair? Give this suggestion a try.
  8. Lips. Move beyond kissing your partner’s lips. Touch them with your finger or tongue for a playful bit of sexiness. Try nibbling or sucking on the lower lip too.
  9. Talk. Whisper in your partner’s ear what you would like to do with them. The anticipation of the deeds and the sexy whisper in the ear will get both you and your partner excited about what’s to come.
  10. Explore. Many couples haven’t taken the time to really check each other out. Run your eyes, hands, tongue, even your toes across your your lover’s body. You may find a favorite spot, and so may your partner.

Enjoying Sex

One way to ensure that you and your partner have a repeat performance is by making sure you both enjoy the sex. If you want to make a few changes, here are some suggestions for enhancing your experience.

  1. Slow down. If things are progressing too fast and finish before you even get started, ask your partner to slow down a bit. Especially for women, taking time in lovemaking is important. Some experts believe it takes women 20 minutes to get fully aroused.
  2. Make a change. Changing positions can start a new rhythm as well as offer the opportunity to come at the issue from a whole new angle.
  3. Be a guide. Put your lover’s hands (or other parts) where you want them. Gently guiding him or her to the place where you like it tells your partner where to go and ensures you are getting the pleasure you want.
  4. Noise. Give a little moan when your partner does something you like. This lets him or her know what’s working for you.
  5. Lose the stress. Feeling uncomfortable or stressed will not lead to enjoyable sex. Find ways to reduce your stress or leave your worries outside the bedroom.
  6. Communicate. Tell your sweetie what you like or what you don’t like. This is the most direct and effective way of making sure your sex is what you want it to be.
  7. Take charge. Passively waiting for your lover to do what you want may not guarantee you get the most out of sex. Take charge for a while to make sure your desires are being met.
  8. Tantric sex. Learn about this ancient approach to sexuality that prolongs the sex act as well as teaches about enhanced sexual energy. Tantric sex has been around for over 6,000 years, so there must be something right about this philosophy.
  9. Tantric quickie. Follow these suggestions from Third Age for building up sexual energy without orgasm so that your sexual encounters are more intense and frequent.
  10. Playful sex. Enjoy playful sex with these five tips. Make sure you partner is on board for this, as certain aspects, such as teasing, might be misunderstood.


For many, orgasm is the ultimate goal of the sexual encounter. It definitely makes the experience more intense. The following list offers suggestions to lead you and your partner to orgasm.

  1. Kama Sutra. The Kama Sutra is the ultimate guide book to lovemaking. While some of the positions seem just too complicated to do in real life, there are some much easier positions that will guarantee a fulfilling orgasm for both partners. Try these five positions modified for modern day usage from
  2. Position yourself. Changing your positions not only spices up the routine, you can also enhance the orgasm for both men and women. Try these positions for a better orgasm for the woman.
  3. Oral pleasure. Both men and woman enjoy oral sex. If you and your partner are both comfortable with it, use oral stimulation to enhance the actual act of intercourse. For men, hold off on orgasm so that you can still have some fun after oral sex. For women, the oral orgasm will often lead to a more intense vaginal orgasm.
  4. G spot. Much has been made about whether or not women have a magical G spot. However, most agree there is an extra sensitive spot in women. Follow these instructions to find and stimulate the G spot.
  5. For men. Don’t forget that men can enhance their orgasms too. These seven tips will help guys enjoy their climax even more.
  6. Practice edging. Edging relies on stopping or slowing stimulation just before climax in order to then experience a more intense orgasm. This technique can be used for both men and women to enhance the orgasm.
  7. Kegel. Kegel exercises work to strengthen the pelvic floor. Usually, women are told to do these exercises during pregnancy or after menopause when the pelvic floor naturally weakens. However, practicing Kegel exercises tones the vagina, which intensifies sex for both partners. It also increases blood flow to the vaginal area, thus making the entire region more sensitive. Men can do Kegel exercises, too, for prolonged sex and a more intense orgasm.
  8. Antioxidants. Eating foods that are high in antioxidants such as blueberries helps boost dopamine production in your brain, which is exactly what sexual enhancement medications do.
  9. Creams for women. Some over-the-counter topical creams for women can enhance their stimulation, resulting in a more intense experience. Find out how these creams work here.
  10. Lubrication. If you haven’t used lubrication for your sex, give it a try. Added moisture and the enhancements available can help bring about or intensify an orgasm. You can choose a basic lubricant, something with scent or taste, or one that offers a warm tingle. With such a wide range of products, there is much to sample.

Something New

As much as you may enjoy sex, it can sometimes use a boost, especially if you and your partner have been together for a while. These ideas offer lots of fun options to recharge your sexual battery and and help you get exactly what you want.

  1. Games. Incorporate a few games into your sex life. Move beyond the cliche Strip Poker and take these suggestions or come up with some of your own.
  2. Toys. If you haven’t already, discover the joy of toys in sex. This article offers both sides of enjoying and being reluctant to try sex toys. Read it and decide if this might be a new trick for you.
  3. Position. If Missionary Position is your standard, break out and explore more options. Try some of the suggestions for new positions from the Climax section above.
  4. Location. Move out of the bed. Finding a new place to have sex can be exciting and pushes your creativity. Also, don’t feel that you have to keep it in your house. Experiment with the back yard or that unisex restroom in the hallway outside your favorite restaurant.
  5. Time of day. If you are used to having sex just before bed, explore other times to play. You may be surprised to discover how much more energy or excitement you can generate with sex first thing in the morning or during lunch.
  6. Fantasies. Almost everyone has sexual fantasies. Bring some of these secret thoughts to life by acting on your or your partner’s fantasies. Read about the top ten fantasies for women and men in this article. (Click on the woman for her top ten and the man for his.)
  7. Surprise. The element of surprise is a great way to spice things up. If you or your partner have always wanted to try something but never have, surprise him or her with it and you are sure to have a fun experience.
  8. Talk dirty. Make sure this is something your partner might like before using it. It could be a turn-off if your partner feels degraded.
  9. Role play. Play out a fantasy or use some of these tips on ways to get some fun in your sex life. Use this costume coupon code to get a deal on your wildest dreams.
  10. Massage oil. Massage oil can be used as a sensual aid to giving and receiving massages. Often it is scented with an essential oil that also works to stimulate your sexual energy.
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Ruby Gardner - Women's Dating Expert - is a renowned relationship specialist and expert in women’s dating. With a strong educational background in psychology and human relationships, Ruby completed her studies at the prestigious University of California, Berkeley. Her passion for understanding the complexities of human connections led her to specialize in relationship counseling, with a focus on women’s dating experiences.

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